Friday, April 15, 2011

Western Style

Okay, so I have been really busy lately.  My daughter is trying to get over strep throat. She has been out of school for nearly a week.  I have been brain-storming on Ideas for the upcoming Teacher's Appreciations Celebrations.  So we are going with the Western Style Theme....Not my idea!  As for myself I would have gone with something more for Spring.  And the fact that we only have a $300.00 dollar budget doesn't give our school much to give our Teacher's for the week.  I don't think it is fair about not being able to make homemade goodies for kids but it is okay to make homemade goodie's for the adults.

So being that the Theme is Western, I thought of designing an old barn door.  And a particularly old barn door.  Tattered from the weather and wind,  Although I will need more white paper from the school. I know it will turn out AWESOME!  


Saturday, March 26, 2011

Hippo Singing The Lion Sleeps Tonight

Jason Aldean - "Don't You Wanna Stay"

Jason Aldean - "Don't You Wanna Stay": "My Kinda Party"

***~\BREAKING NEWS/~***

The Pity Train has just derailed at the intersection of Suck It Up & Move On, and crashed into We All Have Problems, before coming to a complete stop at Get the Heck Over It. Any complaints about how we operate, can be forwarded to 1-800-waa-aaah with Dr. Sniffle Reporting LIVE from Quitchur Bitchin'. If you like this, repost it. If you don't, suck it up! Life doesn't revolve around you!!!

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Ryan Kelly from (Celtic Thunder) Has Changed My Life For The A Better Purpose In Life!

Even though I don't know Ryan Kelly personally, he has still changed my life more then anyone can imagine.  Just by listening to him speak, and listening to his music and his singing, I have pulled myself out of a massive depression that I have been in for more then a decade.  

When I saw them on television on St. Patrick's Day in 2010, I immediately was drawn to his singing.  His voice turned on a switch inside me.  I then recorded the next Celtic Thunder Special that night and continued to watch it.  I started to watch past videos of last concerts and something inside me awoke.   Although not all is the same as it used to be, I am more alive inside, more awake, and more in tune with what is going on around me.  

Here is My Story:
I was so depressed that I barely knew what was going on around me.  I was already depressed because my marriage was a farce.  My Husband at the time just married me to get a Grant for school.  But I had Loved him and wanted to marry him.  A week after we were married my Grandfather was diagnosed with 3 types of Cancer and passed away 6 month later.  About a year after that his Father passed away from a massive heart attack in his sleep.  

After that he started cheating on me.  I found out only because he would disappear a lot.  Or we would be hanging out at a friends house and SHE would show up out of the blue.  He would get these phone calls on his phone with blocked numbers on them.  And all of a sudden he had a password on his voice mail.  He never before had a password on his phone.  Neither did I.  I never kept any secrets from him.  As far as I knew neither did he until that day.  Then one night he said he had to do inventory at the store.  I knew better.  Because we had done inventory 2 months before that.  See I also worked there at the same store.

So I took his word for it and thought just maybe they messed up on the inventory and had to do a re-count.  So I went to his favorite take-out place and got his favorite dinner.  Drove over to work and the garage was sealed shut.  His truck was no where to be seen.  I went to find the store manager to ask what was going on and he told me that they didn't have any kind of inventory that night!  My eyes filled with tears. and I through dinner in the garbage, walked to the car, got in and started crying so hard.

I gathered my thoughts.  Dried my tears. Re-composed myself and drove home.  Called his phone.  At this time I didn't tell him that I had tried to bring him dinner and I knew the shop was closed tight, and that I had talked to the store manager.  All I said was "When do you want me to bring your dinner?" 
 He replied: You don't need to tonight.  

"They are ordering pizza's for everyone who helped out!"

I just wanted to shout LIAR! and hang up the phone on him.  He also told me that if I drive past and don't see his truck it was because they let him park it in one of the bays in the garage so no one messes with it.  I said: Whatever!

I had a hunch at where he might be. So I got in the car and drove 3 towns over to see if my hunch was right.  And I was right the whole time.  He was at his Girlfriends house or at least his truck was!  So I left a note on his truck. It read:   



(LIAR!)

Then I went home, got in bed and cried myself to sleep! I knew my marriage was over then!!!

He came home. Woke me up, and started yelling at me. I didn't do anything. I just wanted to know why my husband lied to me about working! Instead he was out with a slut and not just any slut. But the same Drug addicted slut who was more interested in her drugs then she was her boyfriend. It was not my fault that we dated for 6 years before we got married. her Jealousy became an obsession to split our marriage up. Well it worked! She won! Again!!!

During this time, I again hit rock bottom. I moved back into my Parent's home. Fell into a deep Coma like depression. I didn't eat much, Didn't drink much of anything but water. Slept a lot. Watched TV. Wrote letters to my husband and then burned them in a coffee can. Even a few times I drove past his new work and sat where no one could see me and watched him with a pair of binoculars. All because I missed him so much. It tore me up inside not to be with him. 7 months this went on for. We were about to have the final court date.  Then I found out some interest news. News that totally came unexpectedly...

I was PREGNANT!!!  I WAS ABOUT 3 MONTHS ALONG.  Which now that I look back made total sense to me now.  LOL  All the mood swings and the tiredness, wasn't just the depression I was feeling.  During that time I had taken a trip to Nebraska to see a friend.  It was a short trip.a whole 3 days.  I spent most of the time on the Greyhound bus.  During which time someone stole the shoes right off my feet!  I was pissed!  Then later I found out they also stole my Western Boots.  I had paid up the (Yen69Yang) for those boots.  I bought them in Kentucky, when I lived there a long time ago.
 
We went through all the Paternity testing .  Came to find out the baby was not his.  Of course I was thrilled.  He had threatened to take her away from me after she was born.  Considering he thought that I was the unfit Mother.  Well that is the story he was going with.    If we had to go down that road then things were going to get really ugly.  I knew a lot about him that could have done some damage to his reputation  in his future.  But I was not going to use it unless he tried to destroy  me by taking my daughter from me.

It turned into my favor when she turned out not to be his.  then I remembered what happened and who her father was a few months after that.  It was scary to think that it was even possible that I blocked that out of my mind for so long.  So since I didn't think about it then, I put it out of my mind again.  I knew I was happy.  I was going to be a MOM.  But I was scared of doing this on my own.  

My mind started going through the WHAT If's?  What if something happens to me?  What if  something is wrong with the baby?  What if I can't get money to take care of it?  What if? What if? What if?  I knew if this kept up I was going to go out of my mind again.  So I started on a new project.  I started finding a job.  I also started getting the nursery ready.  Which I found out that getting the nursery ready was harder then finding a job at that point in time.  But that ended almost as soon as it started, and my Mom had to finish the nursery.

I had gone into premature labor. They considered me a high risk pregnancy and told me I had to stay off my feet. I said okay!  I did what they asked.  I spent most of my time on the couch or in bed.  I still went into another premature labor episode.  That was 2 times now.  I was scared.  I didn't want to lose this baby.  This baby was my miracle baby. I was told that there was a possibility that I would never conceive a child due to all the scar tissue in my Uterus from the cysts.

So I was happy this happened.  On my Grandma's Birthday, My mom made a special dinner and we celebrated her Birthday.  She told me she a dream that I had gone into labor and had my daughter on her Birthday.  We all laughed.  Well the night was over and my Mom took my Grandma home.  We got ready for bed and settled in to watch The Soap Opera that we had taped earlier.  I was telling my mom about the dream I had about my water breaking in the living room and trying to yell to my father to get up and him not hearing us. and My Mom laughed.

During the commercial I decided to get something to snack on.  I was really craving Chocolate and watermelon again.  Didn't have any watermelon.  But I did have chocolate Ho-Ho's.  I liked them frozen.  Then went to the bathroom and sat back down on the couch.  Pulled my legs up on the couch and crossed them.  That is when I felt a flood rush between my legs. I said:

"OH SHIT!" 
 
My Mom looked over at me and asked me what was wrong? Well I told her, Either I wasn't done going to the bathroom or my water just broke.  She thought I was joking!  Until I stood up and made a pond of water on the floor...  I laughed and said "Does this look like I AM JOKING? SPLOOSH went my water!

My Mother was more panicked then I was.  I wasn't really having any contractions other than my back hurting.  At the time I didn't know that was a contraction.  I had only found out that I was having a girl one week before I went into labor. And we were so not prepared for this at all.  I had not even had the baby shower yet.  The nursery wasn't finished.  I had no clothes at all but I knew I had some time to go to the store because she was not coming home right away.  l I spent 14 hours in labor. Had an epidural, and gave birth at 2:10pm.  
 
The doctor's wanted to make sure that her lungs were fully developed and she could breathe on her own and feed before going home.  I went home 2 days later. They told me to take it easy.  I didn't listen.  I was back and forth to the hospital 3 times a day if not more.  ate there.  Couldn't sleep well because My daughter was not home with me.  So I spent many of nights back at the hospital just rocking her.  I was giving the Pediatrics ICU nurses a complex because I was there so much.  But when I cam I would always bring food for them.  So they were always happy in the end.
  
See my depression became worse after I found out something was wrong with my daughter soon after she was born.  But no one could tell me what it was.  The Doctors from 5 different hospitals all did tests and couldn't figure out what was wrong other than she was Lactose Intolerant.  But there was something else wrong I could just feel it.  She would scream and pull her legs up to her belly.  At one time we thought it was gas and kept giving her gas drops.  She would have a hard time sleeping.  The only time she would fall asleep would be on or with me (Momma).  Her sleep would not be very long. Naps would only be a half hour to forty-five minutes if that...

Her eating habits were normal.  She ate like a trooper.  Of course she didn't like the bland foods....lol  We have pictures of her eating her first taste of spaghetti.  I think she wore most of it. Her hair was covered in sauce too.  The only food she doesn't like to this day is eggs.  I can't get her to even eat french toast.  I think it has to do with eggs being on the toast.  But it is funny, My neighbor makes Crepe's and she loves them.  My Mom makes them the same way and she wont eat them.  

Anyway, as my Daughter turned into a walking toddler the naps ended.  she was only 11 months old.  She had so much energy I knew that there was definitely something going on.  She would literally run around our house until she would drop to the floor from exhaustion. Then sleep for about and hour and do it all over again.  This would go on and on all evening until she wore herself out unless we put a stop to it. Which meant put the gates up and locked them so she couldn't get out of the kitchen. 

By 5pm every night I was so tired from trying to keep her busy, I felt like dropping to the floor myself! 


 To Be Continued At a Later Time
 





Sunday, March 20, 2011

Hopes and Dreams So Early Lost © Heather Teschner

My dear,
Brought together at such a cost,
Hopes and dreams so early lost.
The moon and stars belong to you,
But I don’t know what to do.
Heaven shines your resilient love,
As I look for you above.

Wait for me by the garden gate,
I promise I won’t be late.
Our memories will be my guide,
Your bright love will be my light.
Remember, the one I adore,
Together, we’ll be once more.

(In Remembrance Of Our Sweet Boy) © Heather Teschner

Sorry I didn't get to stay.
To laugh and run and play.

To be there by your side.
I'm sorry that I had to die.

God sent me down to be with you,
to make your loving heart anew.
To help you look up and see,
Both God and little me.

Mommy, I wish I could stay.
Just like I heard you pray.
But, all the angels did cry

when they told little me goodbye.

God didn't take me cause He's mad.
He didn't send me to make you sad.
But to give us both a chance to be
a love so precious .. don't you see?

Up here no trouble do I see
and the pretty angels sing to me.
The streets of gold is where I play
you'll come here too, mommy, someday.

Until the day you join me here,
I'll love you mommy, dear.
Each breeze you feel and see,
brings love and a kiss from me.

Full Heart & Empty Arms © Heather Teschner

Thoughts of you illuminate my spirit
Never a flicker of flame but with
Arching bolts which strike with force
that disturb my equilibrium.

My mind races as waves of passion flush over
My pale skin causing me to gaze upon visions
Of impossible romantic possibilities.

Pathetic is the woman who anticipates the
True rhythm of love with a man she may never hold.

My imagined discourse of thoughts leave me suffering
As my lips quiver with the words I shall never speak
to his: "I have loved you more than anybody in this world."

IN YOUR EYES © Heather Teschner

In your eyes I see beauty,
All that is wonderful in this world.
All I ever wanted,
And prayed for in a man.

In your eyes I see the ocean,
Such peace you bring to the sea.
I see warm water in your heart,
You seem to have that effect on me.

In your eyes I see the sky,
Never will it rain again.
I see endless sunshine from your smile,
The happiness has no end.

Of all the things I see in you,
And the many wonders in your eyes I see,
I hope to be blessed with you.
To look in your eyes,
I hope one day, I will see me in them!

My Angel Baby © Heather Teschner

I never got to see your eyes,
or hold your hand, or hear your cries.
All I have are dreams of you,
those of which, will never come true.
My heart sank the day that I knew,
I would never get to meet you.
I had made plans, and had aspirations,
if only I had a little more patience.
I never thought the Lord would take you
away from me so soon.
But, I'll never forget that dismal day,
around two in the afternoon.
The day I knew something was not right,
and through many tears I would have to fight.
Now, all I do is dream every night,
about what life would have been like.
What if you really had been born?
But all we have a dreams of that,
and all we can do is mourn.
We will not mourn for you though,
because we know you're where you need to be,
even though it isn't here with me.
You are my angel baby because God wanted you with Him.
Now, forever with his angels, His praises you will sing.
None of my dreams for you will ever come true,
because of that day God chose to take you.
But, my angel baby you will always be,
in my heart forever, forever a part of me.


My Angel Baby - © Heather Teschner

New Pledge of Allegiance (TOTALLY AWESOME!)

Now I sit me down in school
Where praying is against the rule
For this great nation under God
Finds mention of Him very odd.

If Scripture now the class recites,

It violates the Bill of Rights.
And anytime my head I bow
Becomes a Federal matter now.

Our hair can be purple, orange or green,

That's no offense; it's a freedom scene.
The law is specific, the law is precise.
Prayers spoken aloud are a serious vice.

For praying in a public hall

Might offend someone with no faith at all.
In silence alone we must meditate,
God's name is prohibited by the state.

We're allowed to cuss and dress like freaks,

And pierce our noses, tongues and cheeks...
They've outlawed guns, but FIRST the Bible.
To quote the Good Book makes me liable.

We can elect a pregnant Senior Queen,

And the 'unwed daddy,' our Senior King.
It's 'inappropriate' to teach right from wrong,
We're taught that such 'judgments' do not belong.

We can get our condoms and birth controls,

Study witchcraft, vampires and totem poles..
But the Ten Commandments are not allowed,
No word of God must reach this crowd.

It's scary here I must confess,

When chaos reigns the school's a mess..
So, Lord, this silent plea I make:
Should I be shot; My soul please take!
Amen

If you aren't ashamed to do this,

Please pass this on.
Jesus said,
'If you are ashamed of me,
I will be ashamed of you before my Father.'

Not ashamed. Pass this on.
 
Written by: 
A 15 yr. old School Kid in Ohio

WHEN YOU THOUGHT I WASN'T LOOKING...


 

A message every adult should read because children
are watching you and doing as you do, not as you say.

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you hang my

first painting on the refrigerator, and I immediately
wanted to paint another one.

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you feed a

stray cat, and I learned that it was good to be kind
to animals.

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you make my


favorite cake for me, and I learned that the little

things can be the special things in life.

When you thought I wasn't looking I heard you say a

prayer, and I knew that there is a God I could always
talk to, and I learned to trust in Him.

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you make a

meal and take it to a friend who was sick, and I
learned that we all have to help take care of each other.

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you take care

of our house and everyone in it, and I learned we have
to take care of what we are given.

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw how you

handled your responsibilities, even when you didn't
feel good, and I learned that I would have to be
responsible when I grow up.

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw tears come

from your eyes, and I learned that sometimes things
hurt, but it's all right to cry.

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw that you

cared, and I wanted to be everything that I could be.

When you thought I wasn't looking I learned most of

life's lessons that I need to know to be a good and
productive person when I grow up.

When you thought I wasn't looking I looked at you and

wanted to say,'Thanks for all the things I saw when
you thought I wasn't looking.'

I AM SENDING THIS TO ALL OF THE PEOPLE I KNOW

WHO DO SO MUCH FOR OTHERS,
BUT THINK THAT NO ONE EVER SEES.
LITTLE EYES SEE A LOT .

Each of us (parent, grandparent, aunt, uncle, teacher, friend)

influences the life of a child.

How will you touch the life of someone today? Just by

sending this to someone else, you will probably make
them at least think about their influence on others.
Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply.

Speak kindly. 

I have come to Except It! © Heather Teschner

I held out for love and it has passed me by.
I held out and found that I have not been able to trust in it.
Love is not in my corner.
I love someone who had love another.
Dated someone who I fell in love with.
and he dated another and then married another.
Interested in someone but found out he is dating another.
Face it, Love is not in my corner.
I will die alone as I have come to except.
I do not like it.
I do not want that.
But I have come to except it....!

He is my Morning Cup of Coffee.

The jilt to wake me up in the morning.

I wake up and look outside, It's raining. Blah!!! My daughter walks in and climbs into bed and says Momma there's no sun.  I can't play outside today.  There Spring Break started on Friday after school.  Oh Great!!   Now it is raining and I have a cranky 8 yr old who is going to complain that it is raining and has nothing to do because her plans are shot.  This is really going to screw up my day.  So I turn on my computer and get my morning smile.... Yep that is right Ryan Kelly staring back at me!  Turn on his YouTube Video's and we get dressed.  I take my meds, eat breakfast or drink my shake. depends on the low sugar levels.  

No, I am not diabetic.  Just the opposite.  I am Hypoglycemic.  I get Extremely low blood sugars in the morning.  Usually I hate eating breakfast but I have found that Kellogg's makes a great Protein Shake that is good for Breakfast and on the go.  But can be expensive.   

Now we have eaten or drank, taken our meds, gotten dressed. made the beds, watched TV, and cleaned up a little.  Now what???  Now I sit at my computer and start Journaling a bit.  Yes, I still have the music going.  That part is usually on until the 1st phone call of the day which is usually my Mima Mary (Grandma Mary).  Mima is Italian for Grandma. It's funny how she got that name.  When my daughter was 2 yrs old, we were trying to get her to say Momma Mia.  It always came out Momma Mima and it just STUCK!  So now we call her Mima for short.  

To keep all her Great-Grandmother's sorted, she calls her closest one Mima and the other one Gamma.  My Mom is Nana.  That one was easy for her to remember. 

I wish she could have met her Great Grandfather though.  He passed away exactly 6 months after I got married.  The week after I got back from my Honeymoon we got a call and found out he had 3 types of Cancer.  I have been trying to set up a fund-raiser for cancer but don't know how to go about doing one.  It is in Honor of my Grandfather.  Would anyone know how to go about doing one?


I Dream Of being w/ Ryan Kelly © Heather Teschner




Every morning when I wake up, I turn on the computer and listen to him.
His words come from the most exquisite smile.

The words make me want to melt,
With every note that he sings.

His eye's light some kind of fire inside of me,
I can't seem to put out those flames of desire
that I feel deep inside.

I dream every dream of him holding me.
But never once have I awoke in his arms.

I just wish I could see the him,
The love he beings out of me,
It always feels like a fire cracker,
Shoot into the sky when
I see his great big smile looking down at me.

But when I wake up,
I always seem to forget,
It was only a dream
that I wished for
the night before
on that Great BIG falling star.

The same wish I wish for
since I had seen him
from
a
far!

Sunday, January 31, 2010

Written By a Friend

When a GIRL is quiet ... millions of things are running in her mind.
When a GIRL is not arguing ... she is thinking deeply.
When a GIRL looks at u with eyes full of questions ...
She is wondering how long you will be around.
When a GIRL answers " I'm fine " after a few seconds ...
She is not at all fine.
When a GIRL stares at you ...
She is wondering why you are lying.
When a GIRL lays on your chest ...
She is wishing for you to be hers forever.
When a GIRL wants to see you everyday...
She wants to be pampered.
When a GIRL says " I love you " ...
She means it.
When a GIRL says " I miss you " ...
No one in this world can miss you more than that.
Life only comes around once make sure u spend it with the right person ....
Find a guy ...
Who calls you beautiful instead of hot.
Who will stay awake just to watch you sleep.
Wait for the guy who ... kisses your forehead.
Who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats.
Who holds your hand in front of his friends.
Who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you.
Who turns to his friends and says, " That's her!! "